Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Everybody is missing something in life.
[00:00:02] Speaker B: I felt prisoner to my own success.
[00:00:04] Speaker A: Change is hard. Change is hard. I get it. Change or die.
[00:00:08] Speaker C: I'm gonna change things.
[00:00:10] Speaker A: So what the hell can we change? If we can see things differently, we can have some different results.
[00:00:14] Speaker C: Only on NOW Media Television networks.
[00:00:21] Speaker A: Humans have observed, adored and imitated animals for thousands of years.
For the most part, it's been a very positive experience for us.
Our babies have cute little teddy bears. Our universities have their beloved mascots.
Even Halloween parties have the unforgettable cat suits.
If that's not enough, we created the phrase, you are what you eat.
How much closer could we get to animals than that?
Despite all the wonderful inspiration animals have given us, would it surprise you to learn that the three strongest animal instincts actually weaken our chances of getting what we want in life?
As a dose of irony, could you imagine that our highly evolved brains miss the obvious solution? Hiding right in front of us in plain sight?
If you are feeling uninspired, uncomfortable, or unfulfilled, then this talk may be the key to set you free to do what you were meant to do without fear, without guilt, and without any further hesitation.
By the end of this talk, hopefully you'll understand how a preoccupation with surviving sabotages our chances of thriving in both our personal lives and our professional lives.
And I am fairly confident that you will have a greater appreciation for of the one animal that will guide you.
[00:01:48] Speaker B: On this new path.
[00:01:50] Speaker A: What animal, you might ask.
Here's a little hint.
Are you here because you want to rise up, elevate, stand above, reach some challenge, climb the corporate ladder, or inspire others to do any of those things? Well, if that's what you want, what better symbol than the tallest animal on earth?
The giraffe.
You know, the giraffe is tall, but it's the giraffe's other three characteristics that will leave a lasting impression on you and inspire you to do things that will help you reach higher.
Maybe you're asking, what's wrong with surviving?
Well, can you remember the first time you shared your grand plan with someone who responded with the nine most encouraging words in the English language?
What, are you crazy? It's a jungle out there.
A jungle can be a very scary place. So it's only natural for us to look for survival tips? And where else to look than the animals in the jungle?
What do armies of ants, troops of baboons, and herds of elephants all have in common?
They all subscribe to the first survival strategy.
Safety in numbers.
Safety in numbers is about the greatest Good for the greatest number.
This is why herds of wildebeest and zebra cross crocodile infested rivers. The vast majority literally get to enjoy greener pastures on the other side. But for the ones who get eaten, not so much.
Think about your life right now. Do you feel great about where you are, what you're doing, and who you're doing it with? Or does it feel like you're going round and round?
Is what you're doing so important, impactful and enjoyable that you're willing to make personal sacrifices to keep going down that path?
Or do you want to believe that there's something more meaningful for you somewhere else?
Unlike the herds that must follow the rains to find grass, giraffes eat leaves from trees.
Since trees have roots that can be as deep as the tree is tall, trees can grow in dry, unforgiving places as long as there is some unseen water underground.
This means the giraffe is free to explore areas that the herds never will.
Maybe you've been thinking about going somewhere else. Perhaps you're considering a path those around you see as impossible.
Doesn't life seem to take us through dry, unforgiving places all the time?
Aren't those journeys through dry, unforgiving places where we learn the valuable lessons that help us to ultimately reach greater heights?
Whether you want to do something completely different or you like what you're doing and you realize that you have to do it differently to get ahead. You're going to have to break free from the herd.
Let the giraffe guide you on your way away from the masses so you can go wild. The second survival instinct is all about us.
Self preservation.
It's that feeling deep inside us that demands us to survive.
And self preservation uses pain and fear as its enforcers.
Pain causes most of us, most of us, to stop doing something.
Fear drives us to seek safety.
Do you remember when we first got these?
We no longer had to be sitting at our desks to make a phone call, to access files, or to do research on the Internet. We were free.
But what really happened to us? In seconds, we can swipe our way through hundreds, if not thousands of photos, videos, tweets, posts, snaps, IG lives, TikToks. In the good old days, we had the freedom to observe things, form our own opinions, test them, and refine our beliefs over time.
Today, our immediate reactions are chiseled into social media granite.
When I was a kid, my biggest fear was getting beat up over some argument on the basketball court.
My three teenagers, their biggest fear is being canceled for saying Anything that rubs anyone the wrong way.
So do you feel freer now that we have these?
Do you feel safer or do you feel overwhelmed by the size and the influence of the infinite herd? On social media, ask yourself, have you ever been afraid to say or do something because of how other people might respond?
How much of ourselves is it okay to sacrifice to avoid pain?
Lets check with the giraffe.
Did you know the giraffe is the only animal that has evolved to become more vulnerable?
Every animal protects its most vulnerable area, its neck.
A turtle can pull its head back into its shell.
A porcupine has spines or quills on the back of its neck.
And many different animals have horns too big to burrow, too big to climb a tree, and certainly too big to hide.
The giraffe would appear to be extremely vulnerable. But the giraffe doesn't see itself that way.
The giraffe confidently sticks its neck out.
But then it can spot danger, seek opportunity and find nourishment in ways no other animal can.
If you want more out of life or out of your career, what benefit are you likely to get from talking to people who are willing to sacrifice their individuality, their dreams and their goals for self preservation?
What you want is a smaller group of giraffes who can offer their unique perspectives and superior vision with less of a focus on self preservation and more on self actualization.
The third survival impulse. Only the strong survive.
It's the most dominant and probably the most dangerous.
Every species has its own fierce competition to establish mating rights. Scientists will tell us this is how we ensure that only the strong survive to pass on their genes.
As humans, we may have overachieved a little bit following this one.
It may have started when you were young.
Did anyone ever tell you not to be such a baby or toughen up buttercup?
Maybe later on you had a boss or a mentor that told you you needed to be ruthless to get ahead in business.
Well, history, sports, entertainment, all reinforce these ultra competitive beliefs.
Finish these statements for me.
The ends justify the sweep. The if you ain't cheating, you ain't.
These are all examples.
But let me tell you, taking what you want is a single serving business plan. The people you work with will never come back.
For obvious reasons, the giraffe is not into cutthroat business models.
As an alternative, consider that the giraffe has the largest heart of any land mammal.
This extra large heart is necessary to pump blood from the heart up the six foot neck to the brain.
Without a heart, the giraffe wouldn't be able to keep its head up and it would have no vision.
So when you're taking on risky new endeavors, challenging the status quo, or standing up for something or someone, it'll be your big heart that will attract other people to stand by your side and help you along the way.
The giraffe shows us inspiring others is a much more sustainable strategy than biting someone's head off. As human beings, we have the wonderful combination of animal instincts and and our formidable brains.
Our instincts help us to stay alive, while our imagination allows us to imagine better ways to live and to thrive.
But when our emotions, our fears and our pain kick our animal instincts into overdrive, we have a tendency to revert to old behaviors, like returning to the.
[00:09:59] Speaker B: Safety of the herd.
[00:10:01] Speaker A: If we want to evolve and stand above like our friend the giraffe, we need to look for new answers.
And to do so, I leave you with four the where, who, what and when?
Where do you want to go? This could be a place to live, a new career, the front line of a cause that's important to you. Or it could be to a state of better physical, mental or spiritual health.
If you could be a migrating wildebeest or a free range giraffe, what would you rather be?
Where do you want to go?
Number two.
Who could you ask for help?
It can be scary to share our dreams and even scarier to ask for help.
Fear of rejection stops most in the herd from asking for help.
So ask yourself. Who will encourage you on your journey and not try and hold you back?
The giraffe embraces its vulnerability and sticks its neck way out. And so can you.
Who are you going to ask?
The third question is the what? What do you need to make all of this possible?
Do you need a certain amount of money?
Knowledge? Experience?
Do you need encouragement or support?
The giraffe's big heart is what makes its vision possible.
Having a purpose will drive you to overcome obstacles and it will inspire others to to help you.
What do you need to make your journey a success?
Share it.
And the last is number four. When? When will you take the first step on your new journey?
As soon as this talk ends, I challenge you to send an email, a text, a direct message, or old school. Make a phone call to someone who may inspire you to take that step.
[00:11:50] Speaker B: And make your plan a reality.
[00:11:53] Speaker A: Your answers to these four questions should unburden you from the weight of surviving and free you to think about, talk about, and explore new paths toward your new thriving.
The next time you're feeling stuck uninspired uncomfortable, unfulfilled.
Follow our guide and get uncaged.
When you finally get to go wild, you'll be able to stand out, stand above and reach greater heights. And you will inspire others to do the same when you are vulnerable enough.
[00:12:26] Speaker B: To follow your big heart.
[00:12:31] Speaker A: We're just taking a quick detour through the savannah.
[00:12:33] Speaker B: Don't wander off.
[00:12:35] Speaker A: We'll be back with more Be the Giraffe.
[00:12:43] Speaker C: Foreign.
[00:12:50] Speaker A: This is Be the Giraffe with Chris Jarvis. It's time to evolve and elevate.
[00:13:00] Speaker B: Welcome to this week's episode of Be the Giraffe. I'm your host and guide, Chris Jarvis. Today I have a super cool guest. I'm very excited coming from my in home studio. I'm not in the beautiful Mercury Studios today because we have my good friend, colleague.
God, there's a lot of things to describe us. People use some weird words. Gary, Gary Doherty coming to us from Ireland.
He took some time out of his busy schedule before heading off to the British Open to share some words of wisdom. Gary has beseempr online.
He helps people do all kinds of fantastic things which you're going to learn about. Gary, thank you for being on the show, my man. It's good to see you.
[00:13:41] Speaker C: Yeah, thank you, Chris. Honored to be here, brother. And just honored to be your friend.
[00:13:46] Speaker B: Thank you, my man. The feeling is mutual.
What people don't know, well, what I get with this show is people often ask or they might say, this is a great guest.
[00:13:56] Speaker A: Who do you use?
[00:13:58] Speaker B: I get that question all the time.
Who do you spend time with? Who do you pay? Who do you work with?
And one of the big things that started kind of boosted my, I don't want to say TV career, but some of my PR was working with you on my TED Talk. So Gary helped me put out put together for those who don't know, Gary helped me put together my TED Talk which we'll put the link, the QR code here for people who want to watch it.
And in a very it was a bucket list item for me and you know, you helped me get it done in 10 days during COVID when things were very difficult. Got it out there, got me seen by millions of people.
It was a great event.
And so Gary's the guy who helped me write, develop, produce, record and promote my mic talk. So I'm giving you people, I'm giving you the guy that I paid to make my bucket list idea reality and get me on camera, which undoubtedly led to the show. So you can, we can thank him. Or you can curse him, depending on how trouble you find the show.
Gary, I know you've done a lot of interesting things and have been super successful in this PR space, but you didn't start, you didn't have the Madison Avenue PR job. This is not, this is not where your business started. There's a lot of people watching the show who have dreams of doing things, but they feel stuck. And, you know, they're in this, they're in this life step after step after step. It's the, it's the zebra mentality. They're stuck in the herd doing what everybody else is doing, doing it the same way, and it's just not working. And they want to break free from the herd and elevate, and there's just that moment that they can't get over. I mean, you've got it. You, you didn't start in this at all.
[00:15:51] Speaker C: No, no, for sure. For sure, man. You know, and thank you for, for the shout out, for supporting you and your journey as well at the, at the, at the beginning of the, the TEDx stuff.
It's a real honor and a privilege. And I remember some of our conversations and brainstorming and banging heads together on the talk and, and hope you made me mentioning this here on, on this to your viewers, but you are somebody that is obviously an expert in their field on your talk, the subject matter, and all the rest of it. And while I might have skills around putting together some content and making sure it lands with people, I wasn't an expert in your field.
So we were banging the brainstorming and masterminding on the content. And I have to give you kudos for being, I suppose, leaving ego aside and accepting critique and accepting input until we come up. Will you come up with the masterpiece that is your talk that went viral and all the rest of it. So I want to thank you for allowing me that space to, to actually come together and do it, because it would have been very easy for somebody in your possession to say, hey, Gary, I'm the expert. What are you talking about? I know what I'm talking about, but you didn't. You were very open to molding a masterpiece, so I thank you for that. So I never, ever told you that, but thank you.
I. No, I didn't just land here doing. From a spaceship doing this.
I, I have honestly really evolved. I'm 49 years of age, 50 next year, and I feel like I'm a young 49 and in body and mind and spirit. And for me, my journey has just about being a real deep rooted desire to be better, do more, make people proud, and never being content with what I have just done.
And I've. I've carried that with me, Chris, through life.
As I matured, I only became conscious of. That was my pattern. Whereas before, you know, relationship with my parents and my father particularly.
And I've just.
I've just been trying to prove people wrong my whole life to get to the point where I'm at now. And now I don't really do that. Now it's about proving myself right rather than prove. And that's a better energy for me to operate on.
So I've just been on a relentless desire and crusade, man, through an inquisitive mindset to keep progressing. To get to this point.
[00:18:31] Speaker B: Yes, I'm going to push you a little harder. So for me, some of the audience knows that I grew up in Providence, Rhode island, which is relatively small.
It's the smallest state in the country here in the US and my dad was a professional baseball player. So he played baseball for the Boston Red Sox, which is the local team.
And so he was a minor celebrity. Well, a major celebrity in our town. A minor celebrity, maybe more. You know, he has a Wikipedia page. I mean, he did play professional sports.
And I mean, I would say into my 40s, I would often use the line that the most interesting thing about me isn't even about me. Yeah, my dad. So, you know, so we've talked about this a little bit, that, that trying to win the approval or compare yourself to or whatever it was. I mean, my dad loved me. We developed a great relationship in the second half of my second.
I'd say the second half of my life. I had a great relationship with my father before he passed.
But there's that. There is this father and son thing that for a lot of people who are watching, having expectations from parents or having disconnects from parents or maybe you came. You know, there's people in this who are watching the show who came. Parents came over from a different country. So now you have a different culture and there's a little bit of clash, you know, and I have teenagers and kids in their 20s, so they're in their early 20s and teens and they're trying to break free and become their own people. Like that whole parent child dynamic can be really frustrating, but it helps mold us and push us. And I know you have an interesting relationship and challenge that with your family business and your dad, share some of that. I think the audience will. I think there'll Be a lot of people who will get something out of that.
[00:20:16] Speaker C: Yeah. And listen, you know, I'm not going to be speaking out of turn on, on my dad as such, you know, because, well, there's a couple of things he does. He's not on social media, he's not, he's, you know, he's not, he doesn't watch podcasts and stuff like that, no matter how good they are. He just doesn't even know how to log in. They watch them. So, you know, I can share it without fear of hurting his feelings, if that makes sense.
So yeah, man, my father had a hard upbringing himself, you know, and very hard upbringing. His father was very, very tough on him and I suppose it's all he knew. And back then, you know, unless you were thought leading like Bob Proctor, Napoleon Hill, you know, he didn't really have the resources, you know, or intellect or emotional intelligence. All the buzz things that we know now and read about now and listen about now, they didn't have. People didn't have none of that back then, Chris, you know, or at least not to my knowledge or very little of it. So my father was just replicating, I suppose, a watered down version of what he received.
And, and I hated him, man, for years because of it. He was tough on me, never complimentary, never came to watch me and anything told me I wasn't good enough and I would never do this. I would never mind anything. I all, all, all the things, all.
[00:21:31] Speaker B: The, all the tough love that will make a man grow up and be big and strong.
[00:21:34] Speaker C: Right, right, right. So, so, so it was his way of just putting me up the ass, you know, keep going. You have to get out of your bed. You're lazy, you're not good enough. You, you have to do more, you have to be better. That's not good enough. And that's all I ever heard ever.
Like, genuinely, no bs.
I don't remember any, any love. I don't remember being told. I know, I know I was loved bit through actions in terms of being provided for and all the rest of it. He just wasn't able to demonstrate it. He wasn't able to show it and, and, or my mother for that matter, by the way, but she wouldn't have been as stern or aggressive. So anyway, long story short, I've just always went through life, I suppose with a bit of a chip on my shoulder where like just the fuse, you know, attitude. I'm going to show you even when I'm not thinking about him, it's like I'M going to do this.
Everything's in Defiance. Everything's like, everything's, everything's World War Three in my mind. You know, when I'm going to, when I'm going to, when I'm going to, anything that's anything and that's a challenge. It's a war. Even right now I'm, I'm on a fitness free, a fitness journey, right? I know what, I haven't touched a drop of alcohol in nine months.
I am off it forever.
Let's see. But my weights come down from 17 stone to 15 three. I'm going to be 14, seven. I'm training for a hyrox event. I, my body fats came down. My medicals are telling me I'm 10 years younger than actual age. Like I'm doing, doing brilliant, but it's, I'm going to war with myself. You know what I mean? It's like a bat. That's like great. It's, it's, it's not done with, you know, gentle, gentle pat in the back, Gary. It's like, this isn't good enough, Gary. You need to do better tomorrow, you know, and that's, that's just my psyche. It's how I motivate myself. That's how I keep myself going. And it's all from relationship with my father, really, like the truth be told. And that's evolved over years. But, you know, as we were talking off camera as well, like, it's, it's still a journey for me. We're in a lot better place than we are we were 10 or 15 years ago and long may it continue. But man, it's a journey and a half. You know, it's, it leaves you very vulnerable.
I've been very reflective of late because he's getting older, I'm getting older.
I don't really want to have any regrets, but I find it hard to open up and tell him how I feel now.
[00:24:13] Speaker B: You know, hold that thought because I want to get into, in the next segment, I want to get into some of the interesting things that you've done and how that's affected your life. So don't go anywhere. Come back. Next segment, Gary's going to talk about some of that interesting dynamic with his father, you know, with his parents and how that brought him to the next level of success. So you're not going to want to miss it. Stay tuned.
[00:24:42] Speaker A: We're just taking a quick detour through the savannah.
[00:24:45] Speaker B: Don't wander off.
[00:24:46] Speaker A: We'll be back with more be the giraffe we're back with Be the Giraffe and the view from up here just keeps getting better.
Welcome back.
[00:25:13] Speaker B: I'm on the show here with Gary Daugherty coming to us from Ireland.
Gary, in the first segment you talked, we were talking about your relationship with your dad and that he was, you know, there was a lot of tough love and, and it was hard, you know, real hard to be, you know, for the beat down. But as we both know, going through so much of the transformational journey, it's.
You can play the victim.
If you play the victim, you will never be the victor.
[00:25:46] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:25:47] Speaker B: And I know that that's a big thing for you and tell me about that shift. I mean, the idea of trying to win the battle and it's not working the way you were doing. It wasn't working. And you eventually shifted what you did. Talk about that.
[00:26:09] Speaker C: It's very, very interesting. Right. I went through, I lost a business in 2009.
It was a property business, property crash, blah, blah, blah. But I'm not even blaming the property.
[00:26:20] Speaker B: Family business too, wasn't it?
[00:26:22] Speaker C: No, it was my family business, mine, not my father's mind. Yeah, yeah. I was an estate agency and financial services business that I was a partner in.
But I, it wasn't even the property crisis fault per se talking about victim related. It was more my management of, of the wealth that we had created from it. Because there's a lot of people survived it too, right? There's a lot of people. People are usually badly leveraged, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And I don't play the victim and blame the property crash. I blame myself.
And which is why now when we're successful this time around, I, there's different habits that have changed. There's different mechanisms in place. There's different, everything's different. But I. What was your question again? What were you.
[00:27:15] Speaker B: Well, you went through a lot of this tough love.
[00:27:19] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:27:20] Speaker B: Then you had a moment that shifted everything.
[00:27:22] Speaker C: Sorry. Yes, I remember. I was, I had a lot of ill feeling inside me towards saving, you know, parents life as well. I had a lot of, a lot of. I'll feel. I, I was, I was blaming, I wasn't taking responsibility and accountability for the life that I found myself in or where I found myself in at the time. Now, yeah, I can talk like this. But then I wasn't feeling like that then. I was blaming the industry, I was blaming other people. I was blaming a lack of support, I was blaming my father's negativity, I was blaming, blame and blaming. But I had a realization. I remember, and I. And I felt like giving up. Giving up on life.
I felt. I felt like giving up on myself.
And. And I'm not that guy normally, but I have had moments. I actually had one this year. Look at. I share. I also. I know where we shared this. I shared this with you. I had one I had. And that's not like me. It's not like me, but it just showed. Showed me the part, you know, how I.
How we can never think that you have it all figured out because God or some other force will show you you haven't when you think you have, if you know what I mean. Always be be aware and be humble enough to know that you don't have it figured out. And I had formed a VN where I thought I'd it all figured out. You know, even just earlier in the year, I felt like that and, and I sort of was. Brought them in easily, but. And emotionally.
But back then I read a quote in a paper, a local paper, when paper. Newspapers were a thing. Remember them?
And, and. And one of the quotes was about quitters never won and winners never quit. Right? And it was a. It was a guy talking about the property crash and he talk and, and he just put up this quote was like at a banner at the bottom of the thing. And I caught it out of the paper and I still have it somewhere in this office today. Somewhere in a. I have it somewhere and I cut it out and I thought myself, Gary, you're not a quitter. You're a winner. You're a winner in life, you know, even nobody thinks you're a winner. You know, you're a one or, you know, you can one, you know, you will one again.
So that was that. That's what kept me going. And I. I enrolled for a. A degree and I went and done it and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But at that time as well, I just. I was doing a lot of reading around personal development.
And what I didn't realize was I was a lifelong learner anyway. I was always looking to learn personal development. That led me into personal development and the Think and Grow Rich book and the Working with the Laws book by Raymond Hollywell and all the rest of it. And I started reading more and thinking more and I realized one of the things that I needed to do was free myself of ill feeling and hatred or anger or aggression, you know, to, to feel better myself, to move forward more freely. And then that led me to think about what I was feeling most Angry about which was relationship with my father. I spit and fire about it. If you'd asked me about, about my relationship with my father, I was, ah, you know, so, so furious and I wanted him to be proud of me. I want them to compliment me, I want them to be happy with me. I wanted them to stop being sarcastic all the time with me. I wanted him to stop putting me down. I wanted him to give me a pat on the back. I wanted him to encourage me. I wanted him to tell me he believed in me. I wanted him to tell me he loved me.
And I was hating about all the things that had happened between us. The fights, the arguments, the things said and these things were just, I was going through life, man, bitter and twisted, you know, and nobody would have really known. That's what was my problem. That was my problem.
However, I decided one day, honestly, it was one day I just decided, Gary, forgive him.
Now that doesn't mean you forget, it doesn't mean that you can't be triggered now and again because he still triggers me to this day. Did last week. He said something last week that's still wrinkling me.
But what I mean is I don't carry all feeling around about him on the daily doesn't eat me up 24, 7, 3, 65 morning and night.
I decided to forgive him what he knew not because I realized he didn't know any better.
That doesn't diminish him as a man. He was successful in his own engineering career. He provided a life for his family that nobody else in his family could or did before him.
He was the first one to be able to buy his own home and own his own home and own new cars and go on foreign holidays. He was the first one in his family, family history, they ever do that sort of thing. And he left home young and went and stayed in a bed sitting stuff. And he had a hard life with his father. So he achieved greatness in his own life, if you want to call it.
And, and I admired him for that, but I didn't admire him how he talked to me and treated me and the energy he gave me.
But I decided to forgive him because I figured out that he didn't know any, he didn't know, he didn't know how, he didn't know any better. He didn't know how to transfer to me what I wanted and needed, you know, So I decided to forgive him. Chris and that has been a start of a journey of I've transferred that into my business life and in my Relationships with my wife, relationships with my own children, my relationships with my peers. People I look up to, like yourself and John and, you know, and other people in life. And I've been able to transfer that under life where, you know, I'm.
I'm less needy, I'm less.
I, I have less of a chip on my shoulder.
I have only love in my heart.
Only love.
Never yet ever.
You need to do something very bad in me for me to go there. Like really bad. Not just say something, not just fall out with me. Not just decimated behind my back to somebody. And that comes back to me that wouldn't turn me on. You know, that's been part of the journey from dealing with my father. Stuff that I know then can deal with pretty much anything in life and. Yeah, and that's where I'm. Man, it's, It's a beautiful journey, beautiful story.
[00:33:38] Speaker B: It's been real fun to watch. And I've seen you do a lot of really interesting things over the last five, six, seven years that I've known you. And it's, it's that ill feeling. The fact that you have ill feeling for people who are watching this. You have this ill feeling and you're blaming other people. It doesn't get you anywhere.
Right. Like you found that that thing was. It pushes you to work hard, but it, it's, it's carrying this.
Did you find that you were carrying a burden like that whole. Everything you're trying to do, you're carrying that.
[00:34:12] Speaker C: Yeah, it's like driving a car with a handbrake on. It's like pushing a car up a hole. It's like everything's a strain.
Everything's a strain. And as we said off camera, I like this sort of more flu like water now. But, you know, and don't get me wrong, there's still that. There's still that part of my personality that, you know, needs to be me against the world. It needs to be me. It needs to be. They think I can't do it, so I'm doing it. They, you know, people are waiting for me to feel, so I won't. It's. There still is that. And the more successful people I talk to, Chris, there. A lot of people think like that there is lots of catalysts that push people on and, and that. And then things are okay, you know. But if you can sort the deep rooted stuff, you know, the stuff that, that actually, you know, the stuff that actually matters to you really emotionally and spiritually and deeply, the stuff on your deathbed that you don't want any regrets about or you don't want to be thinking what of. And I should have. So that's the stuff I'm talking about. I'm not talking about, you know, you know, somebody thinking you can't. So you go, I will, then that's okay. Whatever. Whatever it takes for you to do what you're doing. But sort the heavy stuff so that, you know, if you've had that lifetime roi where brother or sister that you're estranged from, just let. Let them know you love them and you forgive them. And what. And if it's a case of they need to forgive you because none of us are perfect. Right. Maybe you've done something or pissed them off in such a way that. Sorry about my language.
May. May. Maybe. Maybe you need. Maybe. Maybe you need to send a message, say, maybe someday you'll forgive me, but I want you to know my heart's full.
You know what I mean?
It's like freeing yourself and the situation that's anchoring you the most.
[00:35:56] Speaker B: That's really fascinating.
Brian Murphy was the president of the Hartford Insurance Group. He's a mentor, a friend of mine. And I can remember talking to him when I was on this journey. And he told me that the most valuable thing he got in his training was someone said to him that we all need to learn.
We all need to learn what that life event was that molded us. Whether it was a setback in school or a parent or it could have been a traumatic event, but we all have an event that triggered us and it caused us to build some skills and some coping mechanisms and some things.
And he said, the important part about that is that we all have to figure out what our skill is, what that event was. And then the secret is that that thing made us as successful as we are now, but it's the same thing that's holding us back from getting to the next level. So the people who become really successful learn three things. They learn what's the event that triggered us, that drives us consciously or subconsciously? And then the two really important things are, do I learn to tame it and push it aside when it doesn't suit me, but really interestingly is how do I activate it and let it drive me when I need it? And so it's knowing what it is, taming it so it doesn't drive you all the time, but being able to tap into it. So I want to get into that in the next segment because you've done some amazing things. So I want to see how you took that, you know, kind of that forgiveness and redirection and how you built something great for yourself and for all the people that you work with. So don't miss it. Gary's got some great stuff, some fire. And we'll be back after this break.
[00:37:44] Speaker A: We're just taking a quick detour through the savannah.
[00:37:47] Speaker B: Don't wander off.
[00:37:48] Speaker A: We'll be back with more Be the Giraffe.
[00:37:56] Speaker C: Foreign.
[00:38:04] Speaker A: This is Be the Giraffe with Chris Jarvis. It's time to evolve and elevate.
[00:38:15] Speaker B: Welcome back. I am with my friend and PR mastermind wizard, all kinds of wonderful things Gary Daugherty coming to us from Ireland.
Gary, the first two segments were fantastic.
You're open and talking about some of the challenges and the things that.
That held you back. All of us have interesting relationships with.
With our parents and the people that brought us up. And now for this audience, most of this audience is people who now, not only did they have parents, but they also have kids.
So kind of in this sandwich generation of, you know, kind of really recognizing and getting a little bit of perspective. You talked about the power of forgiveness and getting past the chip on your shoulder and the anger and all the things that were really driving you, that they drove you, but they held you back. You talked about how you're able to release those and get to a good place in your personal life.
Once you did that, a similar mindset mentality, focus led you into a shift in your business, too, right? So talk about like that. I think that's an important lesson for the people watching is that phrase. I know we've talked about this before. How you do something is how you do everything.
You can't show me somebody whose home life is a mess and their businesses is buttoned up and perfect. You can't show me somebody whose physical health is a mess and their company's good. Like it, you know, this stuff's connected, isn't it? Yeah.
[00:39:51] Speaker C: No, for sure, man. For sure. Do you know what I realized very early, Chris, when I started to be really heavily involved in personal development from about 2009 onwards? You know, I was always. I said before I was a lifelong learner anyway because I was always looking to learn. That inquisitive mindset was taking me into conversations and opportunities and industries and different jobs and all the rest of it. I was always hopping around and all the rest of it. But, you know, do you know what I realized?
I realized I got great satisfaction and I now know why. Actually, only recently now know why. And this conversation is Actually just bringing it in the forefront of me conscious thinking. Today even I get great satisfaction, fulfillment. Those, these words are really important. Joy, happiness and fulfillment.
And peace.
Lala, that word, peace. Peace is very important word to me of late, more so than happiness because happiness can come and go. You could tell a joke, it makes me happy. I could get a phone call in five minutes from somebody, give me earache, that makes me unhappy. So happiness comes and goes. Peace is what, Peace is what I, whatever, where I want to be in life, right? And so joy, peace.
I realized I received these things when I got that state of mind when I was helping other people. If I was doing charity work, if I was helping my granny, if I was doing what, if I was holding an event, if I was whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever. If I was helping a friend. And that sounds like do good and stuff and it is, but it was do good for me as well. So it was a 1:1, right. And I felt, I realized very early, very late, I suppose late in life. But early on my journey from 2009 was the more I do for other people, the better I feel better. The better my life will be. The more peace I'll find, the happier I'll be or the more joy I'll receive. So I followed my passion doing that. Chris. I was holding charity events for cancer and autism and different. I was helping friends with us and I was doing that. And I was, I was doing degrees because I want, you know, I was helping other people and my wife, I knew my wife would be proud of me. My father in law, late father in law, be proud of me. And I was doing all these things and I was doing them for other people. It felt like. Right. But ultimately I was receiving that feeling and that validation and that fulfillment and that peace.
So that's how I really carried myself. You know, people ask me, how did you find yourself here?
You know, I'm. I'm not like any other PR strategist or any other media fixer or media person or talk connector. I'm not like anybody I see in your bio actually on LinkedIn. You're a financial fixer, right? Or you used to be. Used to have that in your bio. I don't know if you still do. And I know you are that guy for many people.
I'm a fixer of opportunity. You know, I'm Mr. Fix It in the background. I could get somebody on a stage for 50K. You know, a 50K keynote tomorrow. I could make somebody go to 10 million views within 18 months. I could Connect somebody in Silicon Valley with somebody that's got a new startup idea that needs the technological savvy. You know, I, that's, I could get somebody in the front cover of Forbes magazine. I could, I could go through an application someday for an honours for somebody. You know, I, I fix things, you know, because I like seeing you one, I like seeing you get the recognition and validation you want.
Now it become, hopefully it becomes obvious to your listener why I like doing that.
[00:43:33] Speaker B: Well, yeah, this is, this is the whole.
[00:43:35] Speaker C: I love that for me, I love all that for me.
[00:43:37] Speaker B: Well, this, I think this is an important lesson and it's for me, people ask how do I connect people?
And you know, for me, my parents were divorced and that the two people. And I love my parents and I was 8, 9 years old when they got divorced and the two people in the world who would die for me seemingly were trying to kill each other. Yeah. And that just didn't work for me. So it's this proof by exhaustion, this proxy that if I can get, if I can. And my parents always worried about money. So for me, if I can help people not worry about money through some, you know, sick thing, it's almost like I fixed the problem for my parents. And I think for you, you know, would you say that the seeking connection with your father for so long really drove you to get, to get joy out of helping connect people with audiences and other people? Beyond the money, it's the.
Do you feel like that thing that you felt was, you know, a chain around you, weighing you down, that anchor that, whatever you want to call it, that burden, like, do you feel like that burden that you carried for so long all of a sudden became a superpower, a motivation, an amazing driver that makes you great at what you do?
[00:44:58] Speaker C: Yeah. Do you want to know something? It has always been the superpower one, but my energy and mindset has changed around it. Yeah. So it was the superpower that drove me on in defiance and hit and spit and fire and I'll show you no matter what and I don't care what you think and I don't like you anymore and I hate you now and I wish you were you. Bad things that we said and arguments that pushed me on there. Right. So it was all that and now it's, it's still that wanting him to be proud of me and showing him and changing my, the course of my family's life for history and generational wealth and value and opportunity and you know, in circumstance and lifestyle and well being and all those Things it's the same thing.
It's just now done with a loving open, forgiven heart as opposed to hit spitting fire, ill wishing, ill feeling just the same thing, just repackaged in a different way. We are loving heart and a new mindset and awareness of I'm not perfect either and there was a. Do you know what? I'll share this here. I had a Roy with my son. My son of 24 years age. People think all I do is argue with people but I don't. Right.
But I'm a nice guy, right?
At least I tell myself I am but I I had a an argument with my 24 year old son about a year ago and was one of it was. It was quite a. Quite a significant argument and we've never really argued before or since, right.
And I love him dearly and he's my firstborn son and we fell out, fell out for about a week, week and a half and that's what really troubled me emotionally by the way back day some darker moments earlier in the year that's what it was. It was my fallout with my son because I never wanted to follow my son the way I felt it with my father. Right.
And I sort of did. Right.
So, so, so I was self loathing. I was asking myself Jesus, am I my father reincarnated here? Am I replicating? And I probably was in level right. I was a little. Right.
Anyway, we resolved it. I tell my son I love, I love him 10 times a day he hugs and kisses me going out the door.
It's night and day relationship compared to what I had. Right. So we're all we're good, we're, we're brilliant. There's nothing, nothing, no hang ups there.
However, my son sent me a quote on Instagram about just after we made up and the quote said never be too hard on your parents.
This is their first time doing life too right. I. E He was saying to me I forgive you because don't be too hard on yourself dad, you made a mistake. You said something you shouldn't have said. But I know this is your first time doing life too. You haven't been here before, you haven't been here. This isn't your third time here. We have learned from all your mistakes, you know what I mean? And that made me think about my own father and the knock on and all the rest of it. So there's my son 24 years age, I'm double his age and he's sharing that wisdom with me and it meant a lot to me. You know what I mean? So you're always learning, man, you're always learning a name. And I take that now and life with me, I forgive quite easily. Unless you've pulled a gun on me or you're really trying to harm my family or something like that, which has never happened, thank the Lord. But man, I forgive quite easily. I don't have all feeling in my heart for that many people. I still have a bit of a chip on my shoulder now and again about certain things. Maybe like I said, you know, the way you ever hear that there, you ever hear that saying about a prophet is not that I'm putting myself as a prophet, but that prophet is they're not revered by their home people. They're more. You get revered from afar quicker than you will by people in your own community or your own. I live in a small country, Northern Ireland, and there's wouldn't be the biggest thinking nation and I don't care who he, I don't care who listens to this and wants to come at me.
I own it.
[00:49:16] Speaker B: The phrase is the expert is, is the guy is the guy from out of town with the briefcase. So with that, with that, you're my out of town guy with the briefcase because I hired you in Ireland to get me on stages in the US which is very funny. But let's come back at the next break. We're going to actually talk about Gary the Prophet is going to help you find the way to the promised land in the next section and give you some great tips on how you can stand out and be seen. Make sure you come back.
