Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Everybody is missing something in life. I felt prisoner to my own success. Change is hard. Change is hard. I get it. Change or die. I'm going to change things. So what the hell can we change? If we can see things differently, we can have some different results.
[00:00:14] Speaker B: Only on NOW Media Television Networks.
[00:00:21] Speaker A: Welcome to Be the Giraffe. I'm your host and guide, Chris Jarvis. If you are looking for ways to stand out and reach higher in business, with money and in life, then you are in the right place. On Be the Giraffe we meet the innovators who dare to be different and stick their necks out. We learn how they broke free from the herd and used their long necks to find better paths. Today we have an exciting guest on today's show, Gabrielle Bosher.
Gab is one of the most booked millennial speakers in the world.
She's been called the next generation of motivators by Tom Zigler and is a popular two time too TEDx presenter, best selling author and co CEO of the Purpose Company.
Her work has been endorsed by the likes of Brian Tracy, Lewis Howes and the co founder of Chicken Soup for the Soul, Mark Victor Hanson.
Gabrielle's approach to generations, leadership and purpose resonates with all kinds of audiences. Don't believe me? She's worked with the United States Navy and Air Force and has been featured on npr, in Glamour magazine and in the Los Angeles Times. Get ready to elevate your perspective and realign your life with purpose and impact.
Gab Beauche, welcome to Be the Draft.
[00:01:37] Speaker B: Hey, thanks so much for having me. I didn't realize I was coming so on brand today. So let's go.
[00:01:42] Speaker A: It's fantastic.
Next time I'll wear something like that and then no one will ever watch the show again. It can never be unseen.
[00:01:47] Speaker B: I don't know. We'll find out.
[00:01:49] Speaker A: We will find out out.
Gav, you have a killer resume. You've done so much great stuff. You've worked with a wide array of audiences on a number of different topics and you've done it in a pretty short amount of time. So that's pretty impressive. Could be a little intimidating for people in the audience who are trying to do things. I've got teenagers and 20 something kids who want to do a lot and they seem even more impatient than I am.
You got here, it was a bit of a crooked path. It wasn't exactly, it wasn't fast and it wasn't easy. So for all the people who are watching who want to have the kind of success and reach the kind of people and live with purpose, which we're gonna talk about a lot.
Tell us a little bit about how this started. Cause I think that would resonate with the audience and people who are struggling to find their why.
[00:02:38] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, I think the biggest thing for me when I first started is I'm really competitive. And so if you dare me, if you challenge me, if you're. Whatever, I'm gonna do it. So I remember I was 17 years old, and I was hanging out with my mom and some of her friends, and one of her friends had recently written a book, And I was 17, and I said, that's amazing. You've written a book that would be so cool if I could do that one day. And he said, the best advice I've ever heard, which is a book is the best business card you can ever give someone. So at 17 years old, I was like, I should probably get business cards. I'm gonna be out of the house here pretty soon. And so I wrote my first book.
[00:03:13] Speaker A: Book.
[00:03:13] Speaker B: And so what I found is, in that moment, he just challenged me. He believed in me. He said I could do something that I had no capacity. It wasn't even, like, a glimmer or an idea. So the biggest thing I'd say is exposure. If you actually study people who have growth mindsets, it's exposure to growth mindsets at times when you really need it. So it's after a breakup, after a layoff, after life didn't turn out how you thought that you wanted it to. And so I just had someone who tangentially was related to me, just my mom's friend.
I could do something that I had no idea that I could possibly do. Now, was that book good? Absolutely not. It was total crap. Like, it was a horrible book. It took me about nine months to do. I wrote it more of, like, an English essay than a book.
But six more books after that. I've written seven. I'm really proud of the author that I've become. But I had to be bad to become good, and I had to become good to become okay. And I'm still working on that excellence factor. Right. We're always kind of pushing that. So that's the big thing is I think exposure is getting in the room. And so I did that at an early age. I was curious. I was probably a little annoying. I'm the youngest of the family, and so my mom would have friends over, and she'd go to business conferences, and I'd say, can I go? And so I remember I was exposed to I know you talked about Tom Ziglar. I was exposed to Zig Ziglar. I was exposed to Jim Rohn. I was exposed to Tamara Lowe, who's now a friend and a mentor of mine. Going to get Motivated seminars. So the exposure factor made it okay to fail. I think if you don't have exposure to people who just make failure part of the everyday experience, and you just think something's wrong with you when you mess up, versus because I was exposed to it, it just became another part of the story. So it drives my husband crazy now, but whenever something bad happens, a car will break down, something will happen at the house or whatever. And I say it's another chapter in the book because I now know that it's the flavor and the experience of failing that actually makes life more interesting. It's not just the peaks. It's how did I actually get there? So I wrote my first book at 17, and I was like, that's it. I've done it. I've made it. I figured that's what I want to do with the rest of my life. I want to become a professional author and a speaker. And again, I didn't know, Chris, that that was a job description. I didn't know you could actually get paid for that.
And so I started down that journey. I was not very good. I had a speech impediment. I was terrified to get on stage. I had to go to speech therapy. I mean, I was not good. So for someone who wanted to become a professional speaker, who, ironically is called Gabby, I really had a tough road ahead. But I just kept showing up. I kept doing it bad, I kept doing it nervous, I kept practicing. And I think that kind of repetition, really early on in my life, that it just became a part of this is what I do, is I just try and I fail. Gave me a lot of permission just to keep stumbling forward.
[00:05:57] Speaker A: So I want to unpack that a little bit because it's.
You did two TED Talks, so you're outdoing me again. You did the two. I did one.
Mine was called Surviving Ain't Thriving. And it's the idea that people are so afraid of making mistakes. And the Break Free from the Herd chapter in Be the Giraffe is about if you want new things, people want to be outliers. They want to have more money, more success, more fame, but they're so afraid of being outcasts. And so this idea of exposure, I love, but how did you deal with the. I'm doing things other people aren't doing? Because a lot of folks, I get the same thing. I've written a number of books myself. And people say, you've written a book, and I want to write a book, but they don't do it.
[00:06:37] Speaker B: No, you've written more books than I have. So I'm telling you, I'm competitive. So let's go, Chris.
[00:06:41] Speaker A: Yeah. So be prepared for the next 12 books from Gabby coming out in the next probably six months.
So I'm sure there'll be one done before this airs, so we'll see.
But that whole exposure thing of when you decided to do something different, the whole survival, the group mentality of being with the herd to protect yourself when you leave, the herd doesn't like it.
[00:07:06] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:07:07] Speaker A: So did you go through some of that when you started to have different views and different ideas and different goals?
What was happening to you and how did you handle that?
[00:07:16] Speaker B: Yeah. I'll say this, and especially to your viewers, whoever has kids, you've got kids at the house, is to speak life into them and to give them context of what's happening in their life when it's happening. And I was blessed with great parents. My mom would give me context constantly.
So I was raised a gangly little redhead where I had more braces than teeth. Eighth grade, I had eight of my teeth pulled, so I only had two front teeth. Everyone called me the beef. And I was heavily, heavily bullied. But what's so interesting, Chris, is I didn't go to school thinking, oh, my gosh, I have to hide in the bathroom because I'm going to get bullied today. It wasn't, oh, I don't want to go interact with.
Because although I was bullied and made fun of my mom, when I'd come home from school, she'd say, tell me more about how you reacted to being made fun of, being teased, being felt like the outcast. And she would teach me how to create and develop that grit in me. So I was really thankful for that. So she'd always tell me this story of how things start to get uncomfortable, and that's kind of the proof that you need to jump. So she'd tell me the story of eagles. Now, I don't know if this is actually true, but it's like our parents tell us these lores, and I choose to believe that it's true.
But she would tell me the story of how little baby eagles the mom will start to take out the things that make the nest comfortable, the feathers, the fur, the mud. And so it becomes so uncomfortable. That the baby eagle eventually wants to jump. If not, the little baby eagle would be like, I'm cool. I'm gonna stay in this nest forever. And so she would teach me the importance of being uncomfortable and that this is a natural kind of part of life. And so although, yes, I felt like an outcast, she actually gave me context of why I was different now.
She wasn't like the, you know, you're super special and, you know, that's why they're bullying you. But she just would say, yeah, you look different now, but you look different now. Maybe you can look different later. What does that look like? She'd teach me the importance of context of things are hard right now, but is this gonna matter in six days or six weeks or six years? And so that gave me context to things. So, yes, there's a differentiation. But from the very beginning, I leaned into what made me different.
I would make fun of the fact that I had only two teeth and like a buck teeth smile. I thought it was hilarious. And so you'll see pictures of me laughing and teasing myself, and that became a part of my personality. So I'm thankful for being bullied and feeling like I didn't fit in, because now it's something I come to expect. And so that friction of entering a room or entering an industry or just being new at things, I think that gave me, again, permission to be able to say, you, it's okay to look different, to act different.
And because I did start to do some things at a little bit of an earlier age, at 17, writing a book is pretty unusual. I did some other kind of unusual, weird things when I was in high school, going into college. That again, it helped me kind of get the context of why am I doing what it is that I'm doing. And it's okay to be different.
And a lot of my friends were much older. My mom had me when she was older. So I think that that gave me a little bit of a relationship with people who were older to say, you know, I'm looking around at my friends, these idiot friends who are just, like, messing up, doing stupid stuff on the weekends. And then I would go and hang out with my mom and her friends, or I would then be exposed to these great speakers, authors, et cetera, and say they have it figured out. And I'm looking at my peers and they don't have it figured out. I want what they have, not what they have. And again, I had to start getting in the room.
[00:10:37] Speaker A: So really interesting.
I want to go deep into that and your journey of connecting with the right people and getting the right audience and the right mentors. And the difference between hanging around with the lions and the hyenas, the people that are attacking or kind of parasitic versus those who lift you up. I want to get into that in the next segment, but before we wrap this one, who else did you have that was helping prop you up? You had your mom. Who else was really helpful in that movement that you had?
[00:11:05] Speaker B: Yeah, I think you have a couple different types of mentors in your life. And I have seen this because I've studied generational leadership for, at this point, almost two decades, where I've really looked at how do people make decisions. And you see people either replicate or rebel mentorship. And so you get kind of like that rich dad, poor dad kind of perspective where there are some people who you say, I want to learn from you by copying you, and then I want to learn from you by diverting in some sort of way. And so I had lots of those, but I also, too, had a lot of encouragement. So I had a lot of really great. I played competitive tennis, so I had a lot of great tennis instructors who just said, just push me and push me. I'm not naturally competitive. I'm very competitive now, but I wasn't early on. And so I had to have people push me. I had really great professors. I had really great. The president of my undergrad university is a great friend and a mentor of mine. And so I found the people who had what I wanted, and I kept asking them, what do you know that I don't know? What would you do in my situation?
And I started something which I'm sure we'll talk more about later, called stalking Success, where I started to study successful people that I knew, successful people that I didn't know, people who were alive, people who'd passed away and said, there is a blueprint that can happen if I can just copy it, then maybe I could be successful, too.
[00:12:24] Speaker A: Perfect. Okay, so hold that thought. And if you want to stock success, make sure that you come back after the break and you're going to learn all the ins and outs of how you can get to the next level and elevate your path. We'll be right back.
We just got off set with Gab Beauchet here on Be the Giraffe. We are so excited to teach you how to elevate your business and your life with purpose.
[00:13:04] Speaker B: That's right.
[00:13:04] Speaker A: She's going to teach you all about it. You cannot miss it.
Welcome back. We Had a fantastic first segment with Gab Pouge, and there's so much there. I think we're going to have a really hard time fitting this all in. So you guys better pack a get a pillow and get ready. I think we're going to go all night with this one.
All kidding aside, you did so many great things. You started differently, and what was really important was the encouragement. You said that the people around you matter. So there's the conversation of you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
There's episode one. Dave Steck talked about the power of six and just really focusing on six people who elevate your life in some way and spend almost all your time with them.
This is a very similar conversation.
[00:14:11] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:14:12] Speaker A: You have surrounded yourself with an extraordinary group of people. It seems like you started at an early age. So tell a little bit about what you did and then tell the audience for these people who they have their friends and they have their family and they have people who have a lot of comfort.
There's a lot of familiarity with no success or familiarity with mediocrity or familiarity with poverty or familiarity with something that just is status quo. Yeah, they want more. They want to be the outlier, but don't want to be the outcast. So the way to do that would be to be with people who.
To be with people who want more, who do more. So tell us about that journey, because I think that's such a big part of your story that people have to hear.
[00:14:55] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
It looks different in different phases of your life. And I think that's also too really important, is that you have to recognize, where am I gonna get in this next season and how do I have people who help me ascend into that next season? And then you'll be comfortable in that situation in that season. And then you're gonna wake up one day and be uncomfortable being comfortable. Then you're gonna look for who's that next group. And I think people need to realize that, I think sometimes. And that's given me a lot of solace and peace and recognizing what do I need and who do I need in this next season? It's really always a who before it is a what. And so kind of moving through that's really important. And so Now I use ChatGPT and I use other AI tools to actually create this board of advisors where I'll ask questions of. So I have it in real life with friends and mentors. I have it through study of people talking more about kind of my system for stalking success. But I also too, in a very practical way, use AI to do it. And so my husband and I both individually have our board of advisors through chat, where we have five to six people we'll run ideas through. So we've trained our chat to be able to talk back to us, to say, that's a good idea, here's what this person would do, here's the direction that they've taken.
And now because of the acceleration of wisdom and knowledge through AI, we can start to tap into people's information and their decision making patterns. Because again, there's always a pattern. If you study the pattern, then you can actually reach your potential. But I started to release my kind of AI chat prompts to my social community on LinkedIn where I just said, hey, this is what I'm doing. Here's the information that I'm stalking from these great leaders and these great thought leaders.
So I do that in real life, in different seasons of my life to say, where am I at now? Where do I want to be? And who has made that same jump? And so typically how I'll do it is I'll pick one person per month and I will stalk them. I will read their books, if they've written books. I'll read their biographies, if there are biographies or autobiographies. But here's the thing that I do that's really unique and I think most people don't do, is I watch someone who's on like a press tour or podcast tour and I'll listen to the stories that they say over and over and over again. Why? Because they probably didn't practice, it meant something and it's something that they are returning to time and time again. It's a principle that they live their lives by and make decisions around. That's always what I'm looking for is I'm going to reverse engineer how someone made decisions. Because a lot of times when you meet leaders, they'll just say, oh, I just was lucky. Or you'll meet founders and they're like, it was just the right thing, right time. It really wasn't. There were multiple things that were happening at the same time. And so I'm a really big believer of if I can pull back kind of what happened to find out what are the core principles so that way I can accelerate my success, then I'm going to spend more of my time doing the things that I'm called to do, helping the people I'm called to help, and less time making Those mistakes. So in tennis and just like in many other sports, there's forced and there's unforced errors. I'm always looking for what is the difference between the two. I want to make sure I'm not making mistakes that could be avoided. And so that's where I spend my time studying. What are the mistakes I can avoid because mistakes are unavoidable. But I want to make sure that it was because it was something I didn't see coming, not because it's something that I could have said, yeah, just a little bit more study, a little bit more interview, a little bit more stalking would have solved all of this.
[00:18:17] Speaker A: We've got.
There's two different audiences, I find it's not quite a bimodal distribution, but it seems that way. There's young people who are into social media. It's their thing. They live on their phone. It's never out of their hand, except maybe in the shower. And maybe they bathe now so they don't have to put it down. But it's. But they have a very.
[00:18:37] Speaker B: You know, even then, I mean, it's waterproof, so they can do whatever they want. Scroll all you want.
[00:18:41] Speaker A: You've got the ones that are attached, and then you have the ones that are fearful.
So the other generation, which is, what are we using this for? And you just gave such a nugget of gold that I want you to go deeper into, if you will, about AI that older people, less technologically savvy people see AI, they don't understand it. And I think it's going to take away a job.
When the younger people are looking at social media and it's the quick dopamine hit. So they're on the screen all the time, but they're not doing what you're doing. I mean, you're training and you're studying. My dad was a professional athlete a long, long time ago, and he talked about, you have to practice a lot before you play. And I remember the first game he pitched for the Boston Red Sox, he said, I won the game because I had already pitched that game a hundred times.
Like, I had been through that in my head so many times that literally when I got on the mountain, there was nothing unfamiliar at all about the experience because I had already thrown that game pitch after pitch after pitch, pitch after pitch scenario. He played them all through, knew what he would do, and it just felt like he was doing the same thing.
And so this whole stalking thing of not just being on technology, but going deeper with technology, studying these People training the AI bot with the material that you get so that you can create the virtual whomever, like the virtual Steve Jobs, the virtual whoever it is, you're looking at Zig Ziglar, that you've created that, and then asked that person for advice on what advice they would give you, given your stuff, versus just watching College Rush videos.
So tell this group how to use that. How do you do that? I think that's brilliant. The digging deep. And then how do you apply that without having to have access to these people who are not always accessible?
[00:20:30] Speaker B: Yeah. If you want to learn a lot about your partner or your friends, switch phones and look at the Discover page on your Instagram or on your TikTok. It says a whole lot about who that person is. And so sometimes I'll do an audit and say, where am I spending my time? Because what goes in comes out. And so, yes, we have access to incredible entertainment and engagement and community and all of that, but what are you actually using this device for? And so for me, I wanted to be constantly learning. Jim Rohn used to talk about turn your car into a university classroom. And that was back when it was tapes, then it was CDs, and now it can be this, you know, this interactive experience that you can now have if you train your chatbot. So typically I'll. I'll take content from an individual. So right now I'm studying Brian Chesky, co founder of Airbnb. I'm loving how his brain works, I'm loving how he's problems. And so pretty much every morning I'm listening to interviews by Brian Chesky. But I'll do it really with anyone. I'll do it with Steve Jobs.
I love Arnold Schwarzenegger. And so I'll watch Arnold Schwarzenegger interviews. So I'll pick a person per month, and so I'll listen to their content.
So I'll listen to it. Then I'll train my chatbot. So maybe I'll upload a transcript of an interview that they did when they were doing an interview at Stanford Business Business School, for example, walking through how they made tough decisions. Maybe then I'll look at some interviews that they've done or maybe some releases of. Maybe they do their biannual report or they've done any sort of like published content. And then I'm going to train my chatbot that way and say, I want you to act as if you are Brian Chesky. I'm going to train you. Here's how he's made decisions. And then I'M going to have it repeat back. So whenever you're using an AI tool, you can't just upload a bunch of information and then walk away. You have to test it, you have to train it just like anything else.
[00:22:14] Speaker A: Like a teenager.
[00:22:16] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:22:16] Speaker A: I was going to say, like, what did you hear?
Same thing. Same thing for all the parents.
[00:22:21] Speaker B: Similar. Yeah. So I'm training it. Does this work? Does this work? And then I'm going to give it some sample scenarios and make sure. Is it actually thinking the way that I want Brian Chesky to work now? Is my AI bot the same thing as Brian? Absolutely not. But is it going to help me think more like him than not? Absolutely. And so it's giving me a 3 experience versus just watching something in 2D that I can now start to think the way that someone else thinks. And that's really what mentorship is, is I'm going to try on your brain to think how you think. And some things I'm going to take and some things I'm going to toss. One of my mentors used to say, advice is like, hats, take the hat. If it looks good, keep it. If not, walk away. And I think that's really important when you're looking at your mentorship lineage, those people who are speaking into you, who mentored them, because they can only give what was put into them. And what is it that you're wanting to get out of that relationship? Because early on in mentors, I just would go and say, chris, what do you know that I need to know? And you're like, pick a topic, right? Parenting, finance, business, whatever that looks like. And so knowing what you want to get out of a mentoring relationship is really important. Just like asking a good prompt for an AI conversation, a chatbot conversation with a chatgpt, everything comes down to the prompt. And so that's what I had to learn early on is what questions am I asking? So that way I'm getting the answer that I actually need.
[00:23:43] Speaker A: That's a really important.
Another interesting nugget that it's not about the answers, it's the questions. It's asking good questions is way better than having quick, clever answers.
[00:23:53] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:23:54] Speaker A: And so give us a quick, clever answer on the.
That will make people question what they're going to do next in their life.
[00:24:03] Speaker B: So a question to find out what.
[00:24:06] Speaker A: Yes, some people I want in the next couple minutes, we're going to go to break. But the I want to get into some of your business stuff. But a thought for them to ponder at the break about their own life, something to ask themselves or a thought, something that will cause people to think. I really need to.
Other than looking at their discovery page and figuring out what they need to change, what's a good piece of advice in their own life with the what am I going to do next? How am I going to do it?
What's maybe even a little preview into your assessment, which we are going to talk about later.
[00:24:39] Speaker B: Yeah. So I love to ask people four questions to help them find their purpose. I'm going to give you one, which is how can I help other people overcome what I've overcome?
So your story is your authority. If you're trying to figure out what to do next, what have you overcome? Because you now have insight. Insight, wisdom, experience. Whether you realize it or not, you did something to get to the other side of it. You now have authority in that thing. So what is it that you've overcome? Whether it's financial, personal, spiritual, something in relationship to your business, you have something you've overcome. I believe you then have the responsibility to then help other people overcome it.
[00:25:15] Speaker A: I love it. When we come back from the break, we're going to talk about a little bit about the what you did, what you went through, how it held you back. And now it's actually going to become your superpower. So don't miss it.
We just got off set with Gab Beauche here on Be the Giraffe. We are so excited to teach you how to elevate your business and your life with purpose.
[00:25:55] Speaker B: That's right.
[00:25:56] Speaker A: She's going to teach you all about it. You cannot miss it.
Welcome back. We are taking your life on safari with Gab Bochea.
Not just the dress, the content is. The content is.
[00:26:30] Speaker B: We're on brand today.
[00:26:31] Speaker A: We're on brand. I really appreciate it. It's amazing when people get the memo.
So you left the last segment. You talked about the cool things you're doing with AI. You talked about the fantastic stuff with mentors, you talked about getting more out of life.
And then we ended. You teased the last segment with. You said there's four questions. You gave us the first one. So repeat the first and then let's go through the four questions. So these are four questions for people to ask themselves. Honestly, yes, that's the key.
Or dishonestly, if you want to live dishonestly. But questions to ask yourself that will help you find your path on purpose. Because in this segment, I want to get into business and how people figure out how to align their purpose, their passion with their profit and find a way to make money and actually love what they do so that they're not so miserable. So give us as many of the four questions you can get through in this segment and we'll keep going.
[00:27:31] Speaker B: Yeah, I'll hit all four and then you can kind of pick which ones you kind of want to talk a little bit more about.
And that's if we're having a coffee. If I'm meeting with people, I will usually just text this to people if they're like, hey, my kid's trying to figure out what to do next or I don't know what to do next. Usually people are asking questions around purpose when they're looking for clarity and making a good decision. So these questions can help you determine what's next for me. So the first one I already mentioned, which is what have I overcome that I can help others overcome? Second question is what's been my most fulfilled day at work? So not just a random day, just what were you doing? And there's kind of the second part of who were you helping and what problem were you solving? So it's kind of a two parter. And then what I also do want to look at is what is the hardest thing that I've overcome. So it could be what is a moment or series of moments that most shaped my perspective in overcoming those things. And typically they're during our coming of age kind of era. So it's usually age 13 to maybe 21. What is that hardest thing that I've overcome?
And by asking those four questions, you get really clear on who you are as a person. How do I make decisions? What happens when hard stuff comes my way? How do I like jumping into a situation and helping solve problems for other people? So at the end of the day, all of us are problem solvers. Whether you're the President of the United States or a barista helping someone make coffee, you're solving a problem for someone else. So the more clear each of us are individually at how we enjoy solving solving problems for people, the more confident we're going to be about what we should do next and how to add the most value to the people around us.
[00:29:02] Speaker A: That hit home and actually gave me goosebumps because the what you've overcome is a big deal. And most of us have challenges, whether it's parents, getting divorced, suffering some type of physical, emotional or psychological trauma as a kid, growing up on the wrong side of the tracks, getting arrested, going to the wrong school, all the things that we're ashamed of at least I was. I went to a top 10 business school, but I had gone to a state university. And so I felt immediately inferior to all my friends who had parents who were executives and they had gone to Ivy League schools and I didn't. And it was this whole. I would just joke, not even joke. I would just say I went to school back east, you know, hoping they would just think it was Harvard or Yale or Brown or something else, and not actually say that I went to the University of Rhode Island. And then I had this moment that when you become successful, the fact that you had less or that your parents were divorced, or that you grew up poor, or that you went to a different school, or that you paid your way through college, or that you left to make money to come back, or your family immigrated from somewhere else, those stories are actually more inspirational because it shows you did something else. And when you want to solve problems. I made a living. It took me a while to realize what I was actually doing. I was solving problems and realizing people with the bigger problems, they pay you more money to help them solve their bigger problems. But it comes from perspective in seeing what you did. So that whole being vulnerable and sticking your neck out and letting people know what you went through, if someone's going to judge you for that in a way that they don't want to be with you, then what's worse than being rejected for someone you're pretending to be? Yeah, right. So this whole getting that, like, what's the. What.
What pieces of advice do you have for people with that whole. That thing that you've overcome? If they're afraid. Because now the cancel culture is such a fear for the younger kids. They don't want to put out. You know, they only put out the. The fancy meal and the nice dress and the new shoes and the. Yeah, right. So how do you. How do you help the younger audience get to the. Not just younger, but it seems more younger, but everybody with cancel culture. Fear of failure, fear of being rejected, fear of being ridiculed. What advice do you have to help people? Even speaking up in business?
What advice do you have for the people who have great ideas or want to do things or have a story they want to tell, but they're afraid.
They're just afraid of not having it land.
[00:31:27] Speaker B: Yeah. I think there's a difference between being seen and being known. I think we're working with a generation who wants to be seen for who they are, for what they do, for what they're wearing and. But they're afraid to be known. Because if you know me, then, and you don't like me, you could reject me. You could make me feel like I'm not enough. You could make me feel like I'm somehow inferior and unlovable. And that's a core fear that every single one of us has. There was this really interesting interview with Oprah where she talks about every single person she had who sat on her couch. Every single person, whether it was Bono or Barack Obama. At the end of every interview, they all looked at her and said, well, was that okay?
So what does that mean? Every single person wants acceptance and to be seen and known by someone else. And so when people talk about, oh, I have imposter syndrome, I shouldn't start this business or go into that relationship or change jobs or change perspectives or change cities, everybody has imposter syndrome. At the beginning, you are new at everything. But just because you feel something doesn't mean that you are something. And so when you start to look at the fact that feelings come and go, I see feelings as, oh, that's so interesting. I feel happy, I feel nervous. I feel excited. I feel tired. That's something that can come and go. Emotions are more important. Emotions are things like.
I feel like the emotions are more of being identity, feeling safe, feeling trusted. Those things are important, and those are the things that we need to talk about. But I think a lot of times in our society, especially with the younger generation, is everyone's talking about how they feel. No one's really talking about who they are. And so when we start to have conversations about identity versus feelings now, we can actually say, hey, like, you know, Chris has entered the room. Gabrielle's entered the room. Now. We're now showing up as ourselves because we're saying, hey, I'm afraid if I come out as myself, that you're not gonna see me for who I am. And you're like, what do you mean, Gab? I would never feel that way. Well, now, just talking about it, that's the emotional side of things. It now can just silence that unknown and can help people actually feel seen and known. At the end of the day, when you just say, this is who I am, and this is how I want to show up for you. Are you okay? And can you show up for me? Like, really powerful, cool things happen. And it's the unknown, it's the silence that I actually think kills. Most relationships, most business opportunities, most companies, they all fail because we're not talking about the things that need to be talked about.
[00:33:48] Speaker A: I saw Malcolm Gladwell speak here in Dallas when he had his book Talking to Strangers.
And he said most of the problems in America are not happen to be studying America. It could have been more universal. But he said most problems are not disagreements, they're misunderstandings.
And if you can take that minute to get inside somebody's head and ask them the questions and just create context, creating that context is so important what to create that context at work or with friends for the people who want to be known and they're going to get past the superficial being seen.
What are some things they can do? Some tips, some questions, some comments, some actions, some pointers you can give for people to move the conversation, the dialogue, the interaction toward openness.
Whether it's in a business context or in a, you know, a more. A less business, just personal context. What can people do for that?
[00:34:44] Speaker B: Yeah, well, I'll say this for context, is that. And it's probably not very popular, but when someone acts a certain way, believe them. And so oftentimes we assume, oh well, they said that they were a certain way, but then they act differently, whether in relationships, business, et cetera. And so we all kind of know that intrinsically the same thing is true for us. And so especially if we're shifting, maybe we're saying, hey, I don't want to be a person who sleeps in all the time, or I don't want to be someone who's lazy or eats a certain way way. We're making an identity shift, but it takes some time for the rest of our body, the rest of our being, to catch up with the decision that we've made. The same thing is true with the people in our lives. And so if you're wanting to make that shift and be known, number one, be patient, because they don't know that you've made this decision, or they may not believe the decision that you've made. And that's okay. So many people that I work with say gab, but the people in my life, my partner, my friends, my family, they don't see me for who I want to be. I feel. I feel called to be the speaker, author, consultant, whatever, but they don't see me as that. There's this ancient principle that says a prophet is hated in their own hometown. And it's true. I'm sure you felt that way. I felt that way. And so if you're looking for acceptance from the people who you think that know you the most, you're never gonna get it. And that's not bad, that's not hurtful. That's not wrong. That's just the way things are. And so if you can say, hey, how do I let them believe me over time? They just haven't seen seen me as this new person yet. They have to wait for that metamorphosis. It's like losing weight over a long period of time. You kind of wake up one day and say, oh, I look better, I feel better, I feel stronger. But you're slowly changing over time and that's okay. So be patient. The second thing is if they don't see you and they don't want to meet you where you're at, find a new opportunity, find a new community, find new friends. And that's kind of the hard truth that I think a lot of people I think need to be told is who is it that you need in this season and you might return to those friends later. I've certainly had those experiences coming back to those friends and revisiting them later. But who do you need right now and be intentional about building that tribe.
[00:36:45] Speaker A: Really interesting, the being seen versus known. And then when you want, if I'm hearing this right, the idea that you can't just.
I work with a lot of high net worth families and the parents will always look at the children a certain way. Like once you've changed someone's diaper, it's not that you always think of them as that, but you watch somebody grow up, it's hard to let go of those opportunities. The same reason why in business somebody's not going to walk into your office and give you a 40% raise.
You might get 6, you might get 10, but you're not going to get 40. But if you change companies, it gives you a chance.
And so because a new company says, oh, I can see you for who you are because I only know the person that I'm interviewing today. And the way you're answering questions, I can see how you'd fit this role. And I'm going to judge you by the value that you provide, not by what's the incremental shift in the existing situation.
So I think what I want to get into a little bit is how you help people in companies in the next segment, how you help help people change, make that transformation into somebody else by maybe going away and coming back, kind of the profit, coming home thing, because I know you've done that. We talked about that. I've done that. So after the break we're going to talk about how you take your purpose, elevate that and then bring it to yourself, your business and the people around you. So don't miss it. We'll be back with Gab Bochea after the break.
We just got off set with Gab Bochea here on Be the Giraffe. We are so excited to teach you how to elevate your business and your life with purpose.
[00:38:41] Speaker B: That's right.
[00:38:42] Speaker A: She's going to teach you all about it. You cannot miss it.
Welcome back. My guest today is Gab Beauche. We have had three great segments and now we're coming up to the fourth. You do not want to miss this one. So you talked about great success, how we get there, being seen and being known, and some of the challenges people have with social media and the speed and the fear of rejection and then people wanting more out of life but being afraid.
I know that for me, I felt like I didn't fit in. I talked about that a little bit in the last segment. And there's some imposter syndrome, some self esteem, some self hatred at times, all of those things. But I would take these personality tests, I would take Myers Briggs and I would take Disc and I would take all of the Colby, try to find something to help me understand who I was, because I felt like I didn't fit in.
And that was a way to say, oh, if this person can describe me, then whatever they think I should do, maybe that's the path. It'll give me some clues.
And you work with corporations, you work with individuals, you coach people, organizations, teams.
We were talking at the break and you talked about you had the same challenge of what's out there and how do people know who they are? That if you want other people to see you for who you really are authentically, so you can be known.
The key is you have to know yourself.
[00:40:26] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:40:27] Speaker A: So talk about how you did that.
And then you built something really spectacular that people need to know about. So please tell us about.
Don't be shy. Tell us about what you built because it's so powerful and so important.
[00:40:42] Speaker B: Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. So that journey of purpose, discovery for me was a bumpy road. Is I, like many people, kind of went to universities and parents and partners in my life where I said, do you know what my purpose is? So I kind of felt like a kid lost a at Costco. I was like, are you my purpose? Are you my purpose? And I thought achievement was my purpose. I thought that kind of moving around and having some success was my purpose. And then I really realized fundamentally what my purpose is. And so when you have Discovery like we've been talking about, I believe you have not just the authority, but the responsibility to then share it with other people. And so it took us about 10 years. So we developed the purpose factor assessment. So that assessment really helped you get very clear on who you are, who you're supposed to help and what is your purpose. So it gives you. It's really like seven assessments in one. It gives you a purpose factor statement. It gives you a fulfillment factor statement. So how to actually experience fulfillment on demand.
It gives you your core values, and then it talks about the four different elements of purpose. And so that was really important to us to give something to people that they could have clarity on demand. Because we believe in, and our purpose as an organization is to democratize purpose worldwide. We believe that purpose should be affordable and accessible to everybody. So that's why right now it's only $49 for people to go to. They can go to purposetest.com and check out the purpose factor. It takes about 20 minutes to get clarity on that. But that journey for me, developing an assessment like we've been able to develop and take about 10 years, really, it started off where we did over 1,000 individual origin story interview, talking to people about what they were most afraid of, what most shaped their perspective, what was the hardest moment or the hardest day in their life. And when you do about a thousand of those interviews, it changes you. You don't walk away the same person. And what you realize is every single person has a fear of rejection.
Whether it's a primary rejection from a caregiver, whether it's peer rejection, saying, I don't feel like I fit in. But when you realize every single person that went interacting with, the people that we're hiring, the people that we're living life with, the people that we're interacting with when we're on a flight, every single person has a fear of rejection. And so if you recognize that innately we're tribal beings, that we want to feel connected, feel seen and feel known by other people, you can start to see that initiation of one of my core values is go first. So if I see something, I'm going to go first, I'm going to meet you, I'm going to do for you what I wish that you would do for me. And so create some of that initiation for folks. And so clarity is really important. And so like any assessment, it's a mirror. It's going to tell you who you are, it's going to tell you interesting things about you. It's going to tell you elements and affirmations where many of those many people will write us back after reading the 42 page report with tears in their eyes saying, I've never felt so seen. So that's the mirror component, but there's also too the toolbox component of what do you do next? I just got a note from a professor actually who has all of his students in the PhD program take the purpose factor assessment. And his student wrote to him and he sent it to me saying, oh my gosh, I now know what it is that I'm actually doing this doctoral program for. I now know who it is I'm supposed to help. And I'm sitting here shaking. He was writing, he's like, I'm shaking because I've never had more clarity. And that's really what we're on, on a mission to do, is give people the gift to, of clarity. Because when you have clarity, you can make better decisions. All of personal development is about making better decisions. So if you have more data, you can make better decisions. And that really comes down to how to make sure that you're making the best decision for you. And that always starts with purpose.
[00:44:12] Speaker A: This is so important.
For eight years I've been starting every keynote with an assessment. It hasn't been yours, and I think it may have to be. But the purpose for the assessment, you said you need to have data. I think it's, it's not just having data, it's having the right data because there's an infinite amount of data that's out there. And so now you need people to curate data. And I think one of the dangers of social media is that you see something and say, oh, I could do that, or I want to do that, or you go to a conference. And the reason why I would give an assessment at a conference and this is so important to know your purpose factor, because you could watch any speaker, you could watch this interview, and if you rewatch this, which I beg you to do, rewatch it after you take the purpose factor. And then don't just ask yourself, is what Gab's telling me, could I do what she's doing? Does this make sense? The question should be, when you watch a speaker, is this person giving me information that will help me live my purpose or do the things that I want to do that will help me be fulfilled, help me solve problems, help me be known, not just seen. And so there has to be that context of what's the driver? Do you have a North Star? If we mix Metaphors just what is that?
So when you know what the purpose is, then the decision becomes easy when you know what you're trying to do.
And having gone through this thing, for me, it's oldest kid, parents were divorced.
Why do I even have the show? This hasn't been shared. My parents were divorced. I was the oldest. The two people who loved me the most and would die for me didn't like each other. And that just didn't work for me. And so I have this joy to connect people.
And whether it's the audience and you and your message, whatever it is, I like to connect people. But I was the oldest kid, so I always had to do the money conversation. Ask your dad for money for this, do this. And then I'd be with my hero for the weekend and the whole weekend I'd stress about having to ask him for money.
And so what I do now is I help connect people with their business growth companies together, families with multi generational wealth. I do it by eliminating the hurdle of money.
So for me, if I can connect people and eliminate pain of money that feeds my soul, I know that I'm exactly where I am if I can bring people together. And it just changes everything. It's literally like you were looking at life through a foggy, a dirty windshield and somebody just cleaned it and you're like, oh, that's what the road looks like.
[00:46:33] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:46:33] Speaker A: I mean, it is life changing. So I would imply, implore you to please take the purpose factor and figure out what yours is. So then it becomes. Life becomes so much easier.
[00:46:44] Speaker B: Yes.
Is that it really does. And what I love about your story is finding that moment. So that's part of your origin story. Right. Is seeing these two people who you love so much, don't like each other and then you realize, oh my gosh, I want to be for other people what I wish that they, they could be for me. Now, oftentimes with a victim mindset, we can say, well, this is what they should have. And my therapist says that I should blame my parents, it's all their fault, but realize it's a gift. And so we talk a lot about weaponizing gratitude in our community of how do you become thankful for the hard things that you've had to overcome? Because I remember early on I would really want mentors or friends or investors to come alongside because business is hard and I wanted kind of this fairy godmother to come in and tell me how to do things or what to do. And I realize now that I needed to fight through it myself, I needed to create that muscle strength so that way I could then be that for other people. And so if you're in that hard moment, don't wish to get out of it, wish to become stronger so that way you can go through it yourself. So that way you can then turn around and be for other people because you're strong. Story again creates that authority that you can then create connections for other people that they didn't have themselves. And now you're on a mission. Now you know why you're doing what you're doing. And purpose isn't just a question of why. It's a question of who. Who are you most called to help? And so when you get clear on who your who is, everything else becomes clearer, things become easier, your path becomes more straight because you now know this is who it is that I'm called to help. And usually it's people like us that were five years ago or maybe five steps ago, because we know the challenge that they're going through. We can relate, we can empathize, and we know what they need to be prepared for.
[00:48:31] Speaker A: So for people who, for companies who are thinking about, you've worked with a lot of big companies and for companies who generally stay away from, a lot of times stay away from something that might be seen as more woo woo or something that's about development of the individual because they're afraid there's so much turnover and good people are hard to keep.
What do you tell them in a short, what's the quick advice to them on why making your people more purposeful is actually good for them and not bad for the company?
[00:49:05] Speaker B: Yeah, well, we actually developed the whole purpose factor assessment while working with the US Air Force. So talk about people who aren't typically very woo woo. But they brought us in because they said we need to figure out how to connect the mission to this next generation of enlisted servicemen and women. And so when we determine that purpose personalizes the mission, it gives you individual clarity to connect to the larger mission that we're going after together as a team. Everything else shifts. And so the big question for organizations and for leaders really is do we want to have people who are individually empowered, coming together to build something stronger together? Because some companies will say, well, what if my people find their purpose and then they leave. The truth is we believe that purpose is vocation agnostic. You're not more in your purpose if you have a particular job or you're in a particular zip code, if your kids are at home, if your Kids are away, you don't have more or less of a purpose. Who you serve with that purpose can shift. And so our goal is to empower people with clarity right now to be able to find fulfillment on demand so that they can serve the people they're called to serve.
[00:50:05] Speaker A: That's fantastic.
More than 90% of the people who watch this show, of the 34 million homes that get this show, more than 90% identify as having a business owner in the home or somebody who plans to start a business.
So this is so important with what this does, and you've done this for businesses of all kinds of sizes. Would you be willing to come back for another episode to talk about the purpose factor and how it works in an organization to help them get to a higher level?
[00:50:35] Speaker B: Yes, I would absolutely love to. I feel like we have to. This is too good.
[00:50:38] Speaker A: Well, now we have to, so. Okay, so we went through this. Please watch the episode again and come back next week to watch Gab teach us how we use purpose in our business to get our people to be more productive, happier. Stick with us longer so that we can elevate our perspective and see a better path for our business, for our employees, for our investors, for our families, and most importantly, for ourselves. We'll see you next week with Gab Boche on Be the Giraffe.
