Episode Transcript
[00:00:13] Speaker A: Welcome back to be the Giraffe. I'm Chris Jarvis and we are elevating. We're going deep, and Cassidy Merrill is helping us with some very vulnerable. Which is very giraffe of you. Thank you. Of course, we talked the last session about.
You had a moment where you weren't sure you wanted to live. And I had that moment after I got divorced. And then when I had no money, my partners kicked me out of a business that had been my identity for 15 years. And it was like I thought I was the owner and founder of a business, and I thought that was my thing.
At the same time, my sister, who was born my brother. I have a transgender sister who, when my mother got divorced, I took on the role of being an unsigned contract, a single sided contract, where I thought my role was to help my mother after the divorce, and she was crushed.
Even when she got remarried, I still felt like I had a role which some other man has already stepped in to help her with.
[00:01:17] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:01:18] Speaker A: But he subsequently died, which then amplified it all.
But when my sister, who was born my brother, was also suffering from mental illness. The healthcare system wasn't taking very good care of her, ultimately over medicated her to death.
[00:01:34] Speaker B: I'm so sorry.
[00:01:35] Speaker A: Really, it was horrible. But what happened was I had this role, but at one point, I hated my sister. Not because of the transgender, but because of the mental illness that was causing pain on my mother, which was keeping me from. From saving her because my sister was making her life hard.
And so, like these, it wasn't until I had a moment that was, oh, my goodness, my relationship with my mother. Once I had a kid, I realized that my relationship with my mother is mine and hers. And my mother's relationship with my sister is also theirs. And I have no part of any of that because I realized that when I had Chloe, nothing else mattered. Like, I didn't care what any of you thought about my relationship with her. It took that.
[00:02:11] Speaker B: Right.
[00:02:12] Speaker A: And so where I'm going with this is, I think it's very common for people to want to please their parents or to do certain things or they set expectations that they have to be perfect because they're unlovable.
[00:02:24] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:02:25] Speaker A: And like, that's the thing that drives you because it was same thing with me. When. When what I do is more important than who I am, I will do things at a higher scale.
Right. I will. I will work harder because I have more at stake. I have my whole self worth tied up into this cut go sales job, into this beach volleyball tournament. Into whatever I'm doing this baseball game because I'm playing it for something else. I put too much weight on it. So that was a skill.
That extra weight I put on myself made me really good at it because I would put more into it. But then it was the same thing that was holding me back. Right. It was this moment of the thing that drives you is the thing that holds you down. And so I think for people in the audience that are watching this, and maybe they're feeling the weight of unfair expectations, pressure, a bad hand they were dealt, something like that you found God, and that was your journey. And people find different things that guide them through.
[00:03:24] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:03:26] Speaker A: What is that transition like when all of a sudden your life changes and the people around you, because it's.
People don't leave to be. Like, when you leave a place that you don't that isn't great for you and you're looking for something better.
The thing that people miss out on is the people you leave aren't usually happy with you.
[00:03:43] Speaker B: No, no, not at all. Chris.
A lot had changed in that time. I mean, even from the dynamic of, you know, most of the business books and most of the books on successful people that we read are about men. And I am so pro men. I'm pro woman, I'm pro men, I'm pro everyone, whatever you want to.
But my idea of success and being a winner and being lovable and good came from the very masculine, traditional sense of success.
And when I had transitioned into this season of leading by my faith, I took one the big jump of leading, of trying to learn to lead more feminine, to step into that state of what flow looks like from there. And when I asked myself, God, what would I. How would you have me move? What would you have me do? In the most pleasurable way as a woman, it was go to Florida, sell everything that doesn't fit into your car and go be by the beach.
So at this point, it was 2020. It was a pandemic. Actually, it was 2021, and I sold everything that didn't fit into my car. I was working at the tech startup at the time. We were all remote, and I moved down to Tampa, Florida. Didn't know anyone, didn't know anything.
And that was really hard because when you come from a family dynamic where you know, hey, so and so needs this. Hey, don't talk to this person right now. Hey, I need to talk to you about what just happened. Hey, can you go?
Well, hey, guess what? When you remove yourself by a 17 hour car drive or a three and a half hour flight.
People aren't gonna like that they don't have access to you anymore.
And when you still really love those people who have always had access to you, that's really a hard decision. You know, you get the Italian, the Catholic guilt put on you. Hey, are you leaving your family?
Yes. But not in my heart.
[00:05:49] Speaker A: Are you too good for us? Yeah.
[00:05:51] Speaker B: And I'm really grateful that no one ever really put that on me. Maybe I put a little bit myself.
But what I can tell you is that when I did get down to Florida, I knew that working for someone else was no longer for me.
The biggest way that I could make an impact was building and creating my own mission.
And my parents were like, well, you're not going to quit your job.
This is everything you've ever wanted on paper.
This is everything. You make great money. You are learning from serial entrepreneurs.
Yeah. But that quiet whispering in your heart when you know that something is not for you anymore.
And listen, if I would have listened to my parents advice and my mentor's advice and people around me advice, I would have stayed there and I would have made a lot of money and I would have been crying myself to sleep because I would have known that I was lying to myself in order to make other people happy. And I made a commitment to myself that year that I gave my life to God, that I would absolutely slay any dragon. That meant that I had to please other people anymore because my joy and my source was not coming from that anymore.
So I did what any logical person would do. I quit my job and told no one.
And when.
[00:07:16] Speaker A: You can't get punished if nobody knows the crime, you can't get.
[00:07:19] Speaker B: Punished if no one knows the crime.
But here came the fatal mistake.
It was the time for open enrollment. I needed to get on COBRA insurance or whatever it is you get on when you don't have a job.
And my insurance agent, or whoever it was that was helping, didn't realize that I didn't tell my parents that I quit my job. So when she was going to help my parents the following week, she had shared that, oh, yeah, I helped Cassidy get on Cobra. And they're like, what?
[00:07:51] Speaker A: She's a snake charmer.
[00:07:52] Speaker B: Yeah.
And I called my dad a couple days later. I'm like, hey, dad, what's up? How are you? And I finally built up the strength in myself. He's like, cass, is there something you want to tell me? And I was like, oh, do you.
Do you already know? And he was like, why don't you tell me? I go, dad, I quit my job, but I'm going to start this company, and I know what's really going to help people. And he goes, cass, I just want you to fail as fast as possible because I want you to start winning. And it's really scary to see you do something where I know that the chances are that you're going to fail. Most businesses fail.
And it was a beautiful conversation, and it was a sad conversation. Not everyone in my family felt like it was a good idea. My friends had no idea what I was doing.
And it was a moment of freedom like I could never.
I could never describe to you. When you deny a lot of worldly comfort to do what you believe you are called to do, it's like one of those, like, little notches in your belt. It's like when you finally start keeping the promises that you make to yourself and you start living by that true alignment code that you know is in your DNA to do.
And that's what set that moment, that uncomfortable phone call, that disappointing other people to make sure that I didn't disappoint myself and my creator changed everything for me.
So if I could leave someone with something, there it would be if you know in your heart, in your soul, contract what it is that you're supposed to do.
Don't be scared to disappoint other people, because on your deathbed, you can read all the things. It's a lot scarier to talk about the things that you couldn't or that you didn't do because you were scared of what other people would think. Guess what? Those people are probably dead by now. They don't care. They don't care.
No one is thinking about you. This is the greatest thing. And my best friend Courtney, she's great. She always looks at me and she goes, cassidy, no one's thinking about you.
And it's funny. It's hilarious. And I'm like, yeah, that's the reminder I need. If you think people are going to care, they won't. They're not thinking about you. Everyone's thinking about themselves.
And if they are going. If you're from a small town, like the way I was from a small town, guess what? Maybe they'll talk about you for the next three months or three years.
But three years from now, you're gonna be building something that's incredible, and you're gonna be happy, and you're not gonna care what they thought anymore.
[00:10:36] Speaker A: Just pure gold. And, you know, it reminds me I can remember my dad, he knew that I had this thing about taking care of other people.
And so when I told him that I was going to adopt Tyler and Kirsten, his first response was, are you sure?
And I said, yeah. And the next day he called me back and said, I'm so sorry. He said, I love the kids, and I didn't mean to really interfere in your life. And I said, dad, I don't. I don't.
I'm not upset with you because you're. You know that I've taken on other people's responsibilities my whole life, and you're just concerned for my safety. And I think that's a lot of times when parents say they want you to fail fast, or they say, be careful, or they don't. They don't encourage you. I think an important step is to get to a place where you realize the intention of the statement, not what you want it to be. So it's not, oh, you don't believe in me.
[00:11:36] Speaker B: Right.
[00:11:37] Speaker A: It's, you want me not to hurt. And I appreciate that.
[00:11:39] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, look how loved I am.
[00:11:41] Speaker A: Right.
[00:11:41] Speaker B: Someone cares.
[00:11:42] Speaker A: That's right. Someone loved me. And so that's a big one, if you can think about that. How does someone really. Getting out of your own way and stop worrying what other people think or to embrace the intention of what's there. But always being true to who you are is so important.
[00:11:57] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:11:57] Speaker A: That's such a powerful message. And so what I want to share with everybody in the last segment is like, you're such a soulful, wonderful person and we do love you, and so grateful you're here that in the next segment we're going to talk about how she's taken that and turned it into magic in business. So you're not going to want to miss it. Catch you after the break.
